The Believer has returned
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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March 25, 2022I Am the Top Humidifier According to Wirecutter and I Can’t Take the Pressure Anymore
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March 9, 2022I Am the Man Who Says “Ciao”
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March 3, 2022I, High-Powered Fashion Editor Miranda Priestly, Demand an Assistant Who Is Terrible
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February 23, 2022The Protagonist’s Best Friend Would Like to Stop Having to Shoehorn So Much Exposition into Their Dialogue
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February 18, 2022I’m Abraham Lincoln and I Beg of You, Please Commemorate My Birthday with Mattress Sales
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February 2, 2022Punxsutawney Phil Reckons with His Jungian Shadow
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January 28, 2022Hello, It’s Me, the Guy Who Gets Visibly Angry at an Image of Minnie Mouse in a Pantsuit
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January 12, 2022Ho There! I Am a Nineteenth-Century Iron Worker and I Await the Day This Factory Is Refurbished into an Up-Market Food Hall
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January 4, 2022I’m HBO Max, and Oh My God, What Is It Now?
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November 17, 2021I’m Captain Ahab and I Say We Must Never Transition Away from a Whale-Based Energy Industry
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November 9, 2021I Am Godzilla, King of Monsters, and I, Too, Had a Brief Relationship with Pete Davidson
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November 3, 2021It Is I, William Shakespeare, and I Am Begging You to Stop Letting High Schoolers Put on Productions of Macbeth
Trending 🔥
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September 22, 2023It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers
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September 28, 2023A Template for Right-Wingers Upset with Taylor Swift
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September 15, 2023Son, You’re Old Enough to Know the Truth, There is No Such Thing as the “Invisible Hand of the Market”
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September 22, 2023Welcome to Rosalita’s Boarding House for Girls and Women Rescued by Bruce Springsteen from Dead-End Small Towns
Recently
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October 3, 2023Due to Falling Enrollments, We Will No Longer Offer Courses in Romulan at Starfleet Academy
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October 3, 2023I Am a Dainty Little Rings Person Now
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October 2, 2023Thank You for Submitting Your Homeless Shelter Application, but We’ve Decided to Use City Funds for Thirty-Five New Pickleball Courts Instead
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October 2, 2023McSweeney’s Books: A Conversation with Dave Eggers About His Book, The Eyes and the Impossible