MCSWEENEY'S QUARTERLY SUBSCRIPTIONS
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Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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July 29, 2022I’m Stacy’s Mom, and Here Are All the Things I’ve Got Goin’ On
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July 20, 2022Big Baby Brody Calls It a Career
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July 15, 2022I Am Ariel the Little Mermaid, and I’d Like to Be a Fish Again
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July 14, 2022I’m the Person in Charge of Printing Out the Entire Internet
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July 1, 2022Laws Should Be Based Solely on the Words of Constitutional Authors Like Me, the Guy Who Died After Shoving a Piece of Whalebone in His Dick
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June 28, 2022I’m the Last Bottle of Ketchup at Mar-a-Lago and I Live in a State of Constant Fear
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June 24, 2022The Virgin Mary Reclaims Her Birth Story
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June 21, 2022Batman Contemplates the Non-Existence of Masturbation in the DC Universe
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June 3, 2022I Am a Carnivorous Kestrel Falcon with Postpartum Depression
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May 19, 2022This Town Ain’t Big Enough for the Two of Us, Partner—So I’ll Just Leave Then. Enjoy the Town!
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May 9, 2022I’m the Producer of This Biopic and Here’s Why We Made It Despite Objections from the Subject, Their Family, and the General Public
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May 5, 2022I Am Your Marxist Hamster, and You, Land-Owning Pig, Are the Bourgeoisie
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November 22, 2023Post-Dinner Interview with a Twelve-Year-Old Who Sat at the Grown-Ups’ Table for the First Time on Thanksgiving
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November 29, 2023Your 2023 WebMD Wrapped
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February 23, 2012Lines from The Princess Bride That Double as Comments on Freshman Composition Papers
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November 28, 2023Please Buy Tesla’s Cybertruck, Which Is Cool, Not Stupid
Recently
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December 5, 2023My Life Before and After Turning Twenty-Six and Losing My Parents’ Health Insurance
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December 5, 2023What It Means When a Woman Says She Is “Sex Positive,” According to Brian from Hinge
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December 4, 2023I’m a Holiday Gift Guide Writer, and I Really Need You Pricks to Start Playing Backgammon
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December 4, 2023Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Fun Train to Fightville