The Believer has returned
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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May 3, 2023If Elected President, I Promise to Slaughter Mickey Mouse
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April 26, 2023Inside the Mind of an AI-Generated Woman Laughing Alone with Salad
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April 19, 2023I’m Just a Typical British Man
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April 17, 2023I’m ChatGPT, and for the Love of God, Please Don’t Make Me Do Any More Copywriting
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April 7, 2023I Am Noah and I Need to Look at Your Animals’ Pee-Pees
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March 24, 2023The Wedding Vows of Someone Marrying Their “Best Friend”
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March 6, 2023I Am New Hampshire’s State Motto. Please Remember You Can Die While Living Free
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February 22, 2023I’m the Neighbor Kid Offering to Shovel Your Walkway Because I Know You Can’t Say No
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February 20, 2023It’s Me, Teddy Roosevelt, and by “Man In the Arena” I Didn’t Mean You, Spencer
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February 3, 2023I’m the Kid from The Red Balloon, and That Thing Over Montana Is Not from China
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January 30, 2023Miss Piggy Does the “Cool Girl” Monologue from Gone Girl
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January 27, 2023The Narrator of “Jessie’s Girl” Offers an Apology after Completing His Master’s in Women’s and Gender Studies
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November 22, 2023Post-Dinner Interview with a Twelve-Year-Old Who Sat at the Grown-Ups’ Table for the First Time on Thanksgiving
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November 29, 2023Your 2023 WebMD Wrapped
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February 23, 2012Lines from The Princess Bride That Double as Comments on Freshman Composition Papers
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November 28, 2023Please Buy Tesla’s Cybertruck, Which Is Cool, Not Stupid
Recently
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December 5, 2023My Life Before and After Turning Twenty-Six and Losing My Parents’ Health Insurance
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December 5, 2023What It Means When a Woman Says She Is “Sex Positive,” According to Brian from Hinge
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December 4, 2023I’m a Holiday Gift Guide Writer, and I Really Need You Pricks to Start Playing Backgammon
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December 4, 2023Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Fun Train to Fightville