The Believer has returned
Short Imagined Monologues
Send your short imagined monologues to websubmissions@mcsweeneys.net.
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February 22, 2023I’m the Neighbor Kid Offering to Shovel Your Walkway Because I Know You Can’t Say No
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February 20, 2023It’s Me, Teddy Roosevelt, and by “Man In the Arena” I Didn’t Mean You, Spencer
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February 3, 2023I’m the Kid from The Red Balloon, and That Thing Over Montana Is Not from China
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January 30, 2023Miss Piggy Does the “Cool Girl” Monologue from Gone Girl
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January 27, 2023The Narrator of “Jessie’s Girl” Offers an Apology after Completing His Master’s in Women’s and Gender Studies
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January 26, 2023Peaches the Instagram Dachshund Wants a Cut
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December 14, 2022I’m the Dad in this Christmas Movie and Despite Overwhelming Evidence, I Still Don’t Believe in Santa
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December 12, 2022Small-Town Mayor Is Done with Visitors Looking for Love at Christmas Time
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November 18, 2022I’m the Owner of the Car Aboard the Titanic, and I Demand to Know Who Had Sex in It
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November 17, 2022I’m a Middle School Boy, and I Refuse to Wear Anything but Basketball Shorts in the Winter
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November 4, 2022I Pledge to Accept the Results of the Election as Long as I Win
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October 21, 2022In This Housing Market, I’ll Never Be Able to Afford to Haunt My Own Home
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May 25, 2023A Day in the Life of a Woke Third-Grade Teacher, as Imagined by a Far-Right Politician
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March 19, 2018I’m Going to Close This Deal Using Business Words I’ve Heard Men Yell in Airports
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May 25, 2023I’m Your Mom Playing a Video Game, and I Will Turn This Avatar Right Around If You Don’t Watch Your Tone of Voice
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May 26, 2023When to Turn Your AC on in New England: A Decision Guide
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June 8, 2023Carrie Bradshaw Reflects on the Smoke from the Canadian Wildfires