ILLUSTORIA MAGAZINE
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Articles by
Tom Ellison
Tom Ellison lives in the Washington, DC area where he writes humor, arguably. You can find more of his work here.
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November 16, 2023Nutritious Additions to Our Elementary School Lunch Menu That Are Definitely Not Just More Pizza
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September 8, 2023My Saturday Self Versus My Sunday Self
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August 14, 2023Predictive Texts for the Conflict-Averse
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July 12, 2023Airbnb Reviews of Henry David Thoreau’s Cabin
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April 24, 2023Your Spoon Will Be Ready to Use After This Software Update
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March 3, 2023I’ve Optimized My Health to Make My Life as Long and Unpleasant as Possible
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February 20, 2023It’s Me, Teddy Roosevelt, and by “Man In the Arena” I Didn’t Mean You, Spencer
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January 26, 2023Peaches the Instagram Dachshund Wants a Cut
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January 9, 2023I Just Want to Start Lifting Weights Without Getting Red-Pilled
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January 26, 2022A Scathing Review of Your Thirties: The Video Game
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September 3, 2020Encounters from Dungeons and Dragons: 2020 Edition
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May 29, 2020Standing Agenda: Family Video Chats, May 2020 to Infinity
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November 22, 2023Post-Dinner Interview with a Twelve-Year-Old Who Sat at the Grown-Ups’ Table for the First Time on Thanksgiving
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November 29, 2023Your 2023 WebMD Wrapped
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February 23, 2012Lines from The Princess Bride That Double as Comments on Freshman Composition Papers
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November 28, 2023Please Buy Tesla’s Cybertruck, Which Is Cool, Not Stupid
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December 5, 2023My Life Before and After Turning Twenty-Six and Losing My Parents’ Health Insurance
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December 5, 2023What It Means When a Woman Says She Is “Sex Positive,” According to Brian from Hinge
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December 4, 2023I’m a Holiday Gift Guide Writer, and I Really Need You Pricks to Start Playing Backgammon
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December 4, 2023Bitchslap: A Column About Women and Fighting: Fun Train to Fightville