I fucking hate being a duck boat driver. Whenever you tell someone you’re a duck boat driver, their response is always, “Oh man, that must be so much fun!” It’s not. It’s not fun at all. Do you even know what a duck boat is? It’s what happens when some asshole decides you can make busses cool by putting them in the water. Does anyone like riding the bus? Do you ever wake up thinking, “You know what? I’m really craving a bus ride to nowhere with the added risk of drowning.” True, mashups are popular, but, unsurprisingly, the love child of a bus and a boat is stupid. You know what’s a great mashup? Nacho lasagna, which is fucking delicious. I’m basically a tour bus driver and nobody is jealous if you say you drive a bus. And do you know what shit I’m forced to listen to all day? Wacky Quackers. The worst part is I’m the one who has to hand them out, like it’s not bad enough that I have to listen to them. So every day I have to give the same spiel, pointing out local landmarks that nobody gives a shit about all while everyone ignores me to quack nonstop, and then drive the whole damn thing into the harbor like that makes any sense.