BARISTA: Welcome to Starbucks. What can I get you?
YOU: Reproductive freedom by voting for Democratic candidates on November 6th.
COWORKER: Got any weekend plans?
YOU: Yes, I’m double-checking where my polling place is for the midterm elections.
NEIGHBOR: Are you going to pick up your dog’s shit from my lawn?
YOU: Are you going to vote out the GOP’s shit from our country?
FRIEND: Did you see The Good Place last night?
YOU: I did. But you know what the real “Good Place” is? Your local polling location with your voter registration card in hand, where you can apply everything you’ve learned about ethics to the waking-nightmare Bad Place that is your state’s governance.
PROCESS SERVER: Sir, you’ve been summoned to appear in court.
YOU: And YOU’VE been summoned to exercise your right to vote on November 6th!
BOSS: Will you buy something for my kid’s school fundraiser?
YOU: I’d be happy to buy a $22 tube of repackaged Nestlé Toll House cookie dough if you’ll promise to vote.
LOVER: Does it feel good when I put my hand here, baby?
YOU: Yes, but it feels better when you put your hand on an electronic voting machine this Election Day.
SUPERMARKET CASHIER: Paper or plastic?
YOU: Paper ballot or plastic card to register your electronic vote when you go to the polls on November 6th!
LIQUOR STORE CLERK: Can I please see some ID?
YOU: Yes, and you can also see my ID in the 34 states that now have laws requesting or requiring voters to show some form of identification at the polls, all of which are in force in 2018.
ACQUAINTANCE WITH NO BOUNDARIES: Does this look infected?
YOU: Not as infected as our federal and state government and that’s why you need to plan on voting this November 6th! Also, buy some Neosporin.
EXOTIC DANCER: Care for a lapdance?
YOU: Yes, Chastity, and I also care about stopping the encroaching fascism in America so I’m planning to vote in the midterms.
METEOROLOGIST: Hot enough for ya?
YOU: It is and it’s only going to get hotter unless you vote for the candidates who’ll do something about climate change on November 6th.
PERSON IN CAR YOU JUST CUT OFF: Learn how to drive, asshole!
YOU: Will do! And then I’ll drive anyone who needs a ride to the polls on November 6th!
CATCALLER: Hey baby, give me a smile!
YOU: I’ll smile after you vote for the candidates without an “R” after their name in the midterm elections!
SPACE INVADER: Bow to your new masters, human!
YOU: Would you mind not abducting me until after Election Day on November 6th? Depending on how things go with our current masters, I may be down for an anal probe on the 7th.
DOCTOR: I’m sorry to give you this news, but you’re dying.
YOU: You know what else is dying? Democracy if we don’t vote on November 6th. Do it.