1. You’re wearing pajamas—not sexy or cute ones.
2. When a friend visits, you’re drinking a beer on the couch.
3. You’re not wearing makeup.
4. You don’t really feel like going to the party. When you do, you feel awkward and alienated, and you leave early.
5. You’re wearing baggy sweat clothes (but not training for a boxing match).
6. Your apartment is messy.
7. You’re smoking a cigarette.
8. You don’t really feel like going to the party. When you do, you drink too much and jump up on the coffee table to sing a song, and everybody’s awkwardly amused, except your one irritatingly earnest friend who’s concerned about you.
9. Your hair is not styled in any particular way. It’s not perfectly straight and shiny, or fixed into an updo, or big and bouncy. It’s just sort of limp and wavy.
10. One shirttail is untucked in the front.
11. You bring a six-pack of beers to a friend’s house and crack one open right away when you get there.
12. No one’s heard from you in a while, maybe three days.
13. You didn’t shave, and you have a bit of stubble (face or legs).
14. You’re watching television.
15. You hang up the phone without saying “bye.”
1-14: You are either a movie character unraveling at the brink of a complete mental breakdown or just a genuinely fine person doing a very ordinary thing in real life.
15: You are either a genuinely fine person doing a very ordinary thing in a movie or a completely unhinged, deranged person in real life.